Month: February 2003

In life, you run into many crossroads. One path will take you in one direction, while the other path takes you in another. How do you know which path to take? In some cases, you know, but most of the time, you can’t tell where it will lead you. All you can do is hope it is the right direction.

Not much in my life going on in particular other than my job being incredibly ridiculous with what they want me to do. But that’s the same story as always, so I won’t bore anyone with that.

Tonight was the surprise party for my roommate and best friend, Stephanie. It is her 21st birthday. Yep. The big 2-1. Mind you, her birthday was on Thursday, but it’s a little hard to actually have a party since most people would work the next day. For a little over a month, we’ve had been planning this and keeping quiet, which is tough to do when you live with the person you’re throwing the party for. We invited friends, family, and anyone else who has made a difference or impact on her life to help celebrate the occasion. Unfortunately, I didn’t quite know if she really enjoyed it or not. It seems she has a lot on her mind right now, from what she did tell me. I’m not sure what exactly it is that’s tearing her up inside. I really hope everything is okay.

Many say you learn from your mistakes. If that is true, why do people make the same mistakes over and over?

This weekend, I did what I usually do in a situation where I’m uncomfortable and afraid of the outcome: I ran away from the problem. I couldn’t tell you exactly how many times I’ve done this, but it’s enough to make me look like a wuss who is too afraid of life and its actions.

What I did this weekend was a cowardly and selfish act. In the end, all I did was end up hurting other people; most importantly, my best friend. Since last night, it’s been bothering me that I didn’t step up and actually talk to her one-on-one (always go with your first instinct).

I’m sure there are other people who are angry at me, or even downright pissed. I don’t blame them.

So, what happened to moving out for a week? Well, I’d explain here, but before I say anything, there’s someone I need to talk to about it.

You learn from your mistakes.

Well, this is the last entry I’ll make for another week or so. I’m taking a sorta impromptu “vacation”. There’s been a lot of things on my mind lately. I just need a new environment for the time being to clear my thoughts as I try to figure out what’s going on in my life and where I want to take it. Between work, paying bills, and worrying about my friends too much, I need a break from it all.

I know this isn’t exactly the best way to tell my friends, but I hope they’re understanding. This is definitely not meant to be insulting to them in any way. I think we just need a little time away from each other. Hopefully I’m doing the right thing.

I will be seeing a psychologist very soon. Maybe he/she will be able to help me out in some way. Obviously, there are a lot of things in my past and present that are really affecting me and can be damaging to myself, which can then affect others (much like an incident last week in which I lashed out at a friend for something that wasn’t even his fault or a problem). It’s time to bring those things to the foreground and see what can be done to overcome these issues. That’s one reason I need this break.

Change can always been good and I hope this change of pace in life for the next week is just what’s needed. Will things be different in a week? I cannot say. I hope they are just a little bit.

I cannot thank my friends enough for putting up with me for as long as they have. I just wished I took your advice a lot earlier.

…

Speaking of bills, someone still owes me jelly beans. 😛

Have you ever noticed on television shows that involves a group of people or friends, there’s at least one person that doesn’t quite fit in with the rest but he or she is still considered a friend by all? And have you noticed how that one person is always the butt of a joke or caught in some kind of mischief?

It hurts when you are told you’re the as-described weakest member of a group. Of course, it doesn’t hurt as bad when you already know this. Being the weakest member, you do nothing about it and just take it all in. Sure, you may get in some kind of witty remark every now and then, but it seems the jokes should be left to others.

It’s bothersome enough to know you’re this weak link, but to also know that you aren’t like the others in your group of friends… well, simply put, it sucks. But that doesn’t change one’s mind about how they feel about their friends. No matter what kind of grief they give you, it’s nice to know they’ll still be there no matter what.

Hey! Someone buy my computer. I need money! 😛

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=31497&item=3400184026

It really bothers me how miscommunication can lead to problems that just shouldn’t be. What’s even worse than miscommunication is giving or getting the wrong impression of about something. The combination of these two leads to disaster. Mistakes happen in life. Hopefully you are given the opportunity to fix these mistakes and you are forgiven for it.

It’s amazing how an event of great magnitude can make you realize all the problems you have are nothing compared to what it could be.

Stress is a feeling that can engulf anyone causing nothing but bad reactions in return. It can cause you to pick up habits that are suppose to be stress relievers or turn you into this mega-bitch that does nothing but make you look like an idiot and a jerk.

When you start letting Stress affect the ones close to you, you should then realize you have a problem and it needs to be taken care of. It’s not as easy to do in some situations, but you try to do the best you can. If it’s something about your friends, talk it over with them. Your job? Tell your boss and let him/her know how you feel. (Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to work with bill collectors and insurance representatives, but you have to make the best of it.) Just get it out. Don’t hide it. That’s the worse thing you can do as it definitely won’t fix any problems.

Life is stressful. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. But you can’t let Stress control you. It’ll just lead to things you probably wished you never did. Or even worse, cause the ones close to you distance themselves from you.

As I’ve been told, the decisions you make in life are your own. The people around you can only advise you what to do.

Life will always be a learning experience. Don’t lose the ones close to you as they can help guide you in this journey.

It just shows that I have a lot to say. Too bad I bore everyone to death before they get to the end of this. 😛

It’s been a while since I’ve said anything. Figured since there’s nobody here and it’s rather quiet, I’d take the time to say something.

Well, where can I start? There’s two big things that have happened since I last wrote. One of which was a situation I had just finished preparing for. Stephanie’s cat, Gizmo, had his balls cut off today. According to her, he’s really not all there right now. I’m not sure exactly how Steph handled it, but it was pretty obvious it was a bit tough for her. She treats that cat like a son. But as I’ve been telling her, it’s all for the better.

The other situation is about my car. I got the estimate in this week. $1400. Thankfully, my insurance company will cover $900 of the repairs, but I have to cover the rest. Add this to the $277 down payment on my insurance, I’m up to $800. Oh yeah. My insurance is up for renewal. Great timing, huh? After talking to my insurance rep, they tell me my premium will not change until it’s time to renew again. Oh fun. Something to look forward to. Anyways, I take my car in on the 17th of February to start getting the work done. I’ll have to find another source of transportation for the time being.

*sniff*… *sniff*… my hands smell like stinky cat litter. Hold up…

Okay. Much better.

An odd topic hit my head today. Have you ever wondered if you’re respected? You go through life day to day busting your ass off at work, home, or wherever trying your best to make others happy. But is all this hard work respected? Maybe this is more of a question about trust. I mean, you shouldn’t have to question it if you trust the people around you, right? Maybe this respect is one of those things you don’t have to see, but just know it’s there. You just have to believe in the people around you and know that they respect everything you do for them.

That’s just something I needed to get off my mind. There’s other stuff going on, but it’s the same. Work sucks, bills pile up, and the money just isn’t there like you want it to be. But you still live your life the same, working, cooking, cleaning, sleeping… Makes me wonder if life respects everything I do.